cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
