I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
