Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need to sanitize my soul.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
