dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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