Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
