my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
