false alarm. still invincible.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Two words: nipple clamps
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