I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
