Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
