the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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