I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
