someone owes me an orgasm
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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