you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
