why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
