is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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