I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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