She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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