I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
