If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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