sarcasm needs its own font
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
