and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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