you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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