Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
