ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
