Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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