marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize