Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
this is an emotional support booty call
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
