Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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