Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
