Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
