the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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