I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
