pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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