My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
