I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
