i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
