it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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