That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
