yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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