i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
