Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
