I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
