I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
