You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
