a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
