he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
