when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
