well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
