I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
