Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
