i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
