No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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