Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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