Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
