Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
