I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As shirtless as possible
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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