nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
