i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
