im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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