Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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