Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
