I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
