i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
