can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
