Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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