just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
