the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize