And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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