her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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