He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I love you.
Bad choice
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