dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
