My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
